Skuller.

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Friday, January 29

Brief.

Where has all the time gone, one (Wan) wonders. Oh. I know where. For me, i'll just look at a mirror (for you other folks out there, go and google Hazwan Tan). Ok ok, I know. So not philosophical. Anyways, here are the things I have to clear up first...

Happy New Year everyone! Yes, I know, i'm 29 days late, but heck, better late than never, right? (I should say...) Up next: updates galore.

A bit of an insight in the life and times of Hazwan Tan. Let me give you some (summarized) anecdotes.

Life, ultimately, has been peachy, in more ways than fruit :)

By cliched terms, if life is a roller-coaster, then my life is the Singapore Flyer. Everything's been going at a considerably moderate pace, even though the conditions change at different peaks.

A bit of drama never hurt anyone. Sometimes, a lot of drama hurts everyone, but maybe, it's for the best. The Clubroom Club sessions are all the range, extra extra, read all about it. One shall talk more, when the time is right. In the meantime, business, has been going on fine.

Work has been non-existent. Call me crazy, but I know that as a sophomore design student in Polytechnic, I should relax more and do less work. Yes, that is true, so, yes, I will continue to follow that saying (note the obvious cover-ups).

And finally, a closing statement. Something about an eagle and a wasp. Sometimes, I wonder. Eccentricities, (in terms of eagles and wasps). You never seem to get your mind wrapped up on it, but when it happens to you, it sort of...dawns upon you, like a particularly huge tree in Botanical Gardens. It does. And the best part about it, it makes you smile. Grandma was right :)

Buzz buzz.

Labels: perceptions, returns

posted at 21:31

Thursday, July 23

Subliminal.

Here I am with another mid-week update (it has been quite awhile since i've done one of those, huh?). I can't seem to put my mind to rest somehow...hence the empty-your-brains-out-on-the-blog-ritual. It's cruel. When truly, there's no one in the world you can turn to and express your individuality outright, without playing down some of the more intricate details (which is what I usually do with...people). Oh well, thank God I have an excellent emotional management system (yes I have). Sarcasm is my saviour.

Dad called about an hour ago. Indonesia is officially OFF the list of places i'd wanna raise my children, I assure. I haven't heard from Sobo & Grandpa in weeks, hope they are doing fine.

I don't think i'll start on my assignments just yet. I want and I need time to rest. Furgh, design is so superficial, you'd have to be really comfortable with your sanity or otherwise be completely stupid (and I mean stupid) to not be sucked into its shallow depths. There's your weekly dose of paradox.

I need to stock up on rocket greens. And I am still looking for that dream keyboard. May the lord assist me with my search. Now that's a crisis.

--wan.

Labels: missing people, perceptions

posted at 01:54

Saturday, January 31

Libra.

The fluidity of emotion. It's probably one of the most intriguing things about the human mind. So many things to think about, so many things to hear, so many things to say. If only our thoughts could be heared by everyone else. Wouldn't the universe be a more interesting place? Denial, prejudice, misjudgement - all things which occur as a result of the clandestine nature of the human brain. All of them will cease to exist, at least, not as they are now. How many friends will be lost, how many strangers will become family, how many secrets will become truths - or lies?

But then. If the universe were to become such a place. There would be nothing left to hide. Nothing left to argue about, nothing left to feel secretly insecure with. And nothing left to buffer the sharpness of the acid tongue. The universe would then be a very shallow place to live in. Once an ocean pours out, what's left is a dry seabed; uncovered, yet, so dry, so subtance-less.

Maybe, the ocean should stay.

--wan.

Labels: perceptions

posted at 00:03

Tuesday, January 6

Delve in, the irony of it all.

I can't put up with this pretence of optimism, so I will no longer do so. As much as I love cheesy metaphors, there will be none in this entry, cos' I threw away the fancy mask. Oops, I guess I lied.

The first week of 09' was nothing like the one in 08'. Of course, it's just so easy to put the blame on schoolwork, but I can't deny how some aspects of being in school make me feel more - secure. Friends and assignments and other kinds of pressure keep me occupied, and makes me have less mindroom to think of things that shouldn't be thought of.

I had a nice chat with my mentor Subrina the other day, and it shamed me how vulnerable I got in front of her (there is just no room to think of dirty thoughts, so don't). I don't know what mum told her but I can only give her (Subrina) so much respect for the advice that she gave me. Whatever bad things i've said about her in the past, I truly, truly regret. For in a world like this, it is difficult to find someone who does not judge unfairly, someone who does not see the world in only good and evil, and someone who can empathise sincerely. Heck, she might be a bit uptight, but for her I shall have the highest respect. Now, on that note...

School is fine. Oh yeah, I had a lot of fun and laughs during Herman's Digital Rendering class just now. Kai Min is the i'll-destroy-caucasian-men-pictures-with-carrots-in-photoshop man.

Drama, albeit tiring, has been fun. We have open house performances coming up, and the play is just hysterical. If you want to see me make a complete idiot of myself in front of hundreds of people because you have some personal grudge against me, then watch the play. Thanks again to the drama mama's for making me laugh till my stomach hurts (it's been awhile).

Now to end off this totally well organized and unmetaphoric entry with something i'd think sounds wise and showy off.

A good acqaintance of mine once brought up the topic of empathy (whether directly or indirectly). It is easy to dwell within one's own bigoted thoughts, but one can only base their opinions upon so much, what with all the superficiality going on in the world. A lesson i'd like to learn from.

Never judge if you don't fully understand.

--wan.

Labels: my world, perceptions, school

posted at 23:45

Thursday, October 2

Change.

Lately, I have been reading up on all of my old blog entries, the ones from my old blog. Then, I realized, that after comparing them to the entries put into this new one, I felt mad. At myself. Because what I saw, were two completely different authors.

I don't know whether if it's the format of writing, the way I retell my experiences or it's just that I've probably changed as a person.

I pray that it is not the latter.

Because, you can really tell a huge difference between the personalities that wrote, well, blog entry entitled 'Metronome', February 13, and well, any of the more recent entries put into this new blog.

To me, that unseen value, a very deep and unexplainable thing, seems to be lost. This made all of my recent entries seem empty, soul-less, and a little bit immature and in your face.

Trust me, were all no Perez Hiltons or Xiaoxiaos (okay, whatever her name is). I just want to blog about my life, my experiences, me. Though it never hurts to add in a bit of other interesting miscellaneous info, though that should be done in way that relates it back to our thoughts and perceptions. Sighs. I definitely can't seem to shrug off the fact that I love my old blog much, much more than this one. Sure, theres no music, the skin or whatever you call it is lame, and etcetra, but that blog was me.

Sure, you can just tell me to 'write all of that stuff in a journal', but isn't a blog supposed to be an online journal? The final verdict is, yes, we all try too hard to impress others. I mean, who cares if you wrote a scathing review about a reality TV show in your private diary? It's the pressure of people reading your posts that make us do such stuff. Though I'm not putting down people who do this (there's a reason why celebrity bloggers are 'celebrities'), I find it way more interesting and meaningful to write about stuff that you've actually experienced and seen with your own two eyes, your thoughts, and your feelings.

Thus, I've made a pact with myself. From now on, no more preppy entries. In-your-face me is gone (I hope). Now, let's blog about the simple yet more compelling events that happen everyday, what really matters.

I do hope that part of me is still around, somewhere.

--wan.

Labels: my world, perceptions, why

posted at 14:11

Friday, September 26

Gabon!

The seventeenth (YES, ONE - SEVEN) season of Survivor just premiered today, and boy was it such a nice little dose of reality TV to alleviate my survivor cold turkey.

Here are my first impressions of all of the new survivors this season:

TRIBE - "KOTA" - the cliched win-win team that started of dominant (we all know how long that's gonna last).

ACE: Nigel Barker yo! The rich bald photographer with the accent. Like a smarter, classier and less sexy Dr. Evil. At first, Mr. Baldie was irrititating, prim, and in-your-face. But then I realised he's quite a good leader cos' the rest seem to be following him like good lil dogs. Not bad. It would be interesting to see how long he can stay in the game.

BOB: One of the oldest survivors. The wise yet valuable (unlike someone else) team member. Bob's efficient, despite his age. He's like a more solid and smart Yao Man. He's probably no pushover too, probably one of the bigger threats out there.

CORINNE: Okay. I don't know whats up with that pre-game, self-proclaimed, disclaimer about herself being a BITCH. I had another bitch in mind when I got through the first 30 minutes of the show, but obviously from what I've dug, this one is gonna be the BITCHIEST of all bitches. Now thats pretty bitchy.

MARCUS: The nice guy. The smart guy. The girls (and guy)-fall-head-over-heels-for guy. He's a doctor. He's charming. He's nice. Translation= the biggest man-bitch EVER. He is the guy to beat. If not for (what I predict) jealousy and the usual scheming schemes from the weaker ones, I bet he'll win.

CHARLIE: Todd much? They only share one thing in common. But Charlie is like Todd 2.0. Smarter (academically?), better looking, buggier. Why buggier? Cos he practically CLUNG ONTO Marcus for support during the first 6 days. Todd was smart (or probably made himself look it) enough to win China. I dunno about Charlie. Maybe weve yet to see his true personality. And we probably will soon. He is a shark, though, so probably he's smart enough to lay low, until after the 15th day or so, when the game starts to really get bithcy. Though I never liked Todd that much. Charlie reminds me more of Courtney. I dunno why. We'll see I guess. (AND what's up with the touchy-touchy bromance between him and Marcus? I can imagine all the fangirls gearing up their dirty thoughts for writing yaoi fanfiction. Dr. McDreamy, be damned if you start to give him more of that attention and ONION LAYERS talk thingy!)

JACQUIE: Hmm. Didn't stand out for me that much. I dunno, she seems like the one to use her looks as an advantage. I love that. Though flirts usually end up in 2nd place...

SUGAR: The pin up girl. Nice and sweet and all that. I dunno much about her yet. Probably the type that gets too emotional. Sweet.

PALOMA: My new survivor crush. She kinda has that Vanessa Hudgens vibe going on...until pictures of her cat start showing up all over the internet and youre like, woaaaaah... Still need to know more about her. Kinda boring, but I hope something bitchy comes up so that she can get more airtime.

KELLY: Okay. Kota officially has more of the hot girls. But with hot looks come boring interiors. I practically forgot about her. I wanna know more though. Catfight!!!

TRIBE - "FANG" - yes, the losers, the one with the fat old people, the one that tries hard to get all teamworky and sorts, you know.

GILLIAN: Granny. Nice. Thoughtful. Outspoken. Nice. Thoughtful. More outspoken. Gillian was probably destined by all the african gods out there to be hit with the 'initial wannabe leader' curse. And what's more, shes just like a cheerleader. Those two traits do NOT work well. Of course she irritated the hell out of everyone (with her 'dead weight' and her preppy 'cheers') especially RANDY.

RANDY: HAHAHAHA. The middle aged guy that irritates the hell out of everyone. Remember him? That guy's back, I think, and with a vengeance. Randy was the first in Gabon to get medical attention. Yet he still remains a pain (usually pity for the injured relieves any deep-hearted dislike for a person). Though I admit theres something about him which makes me go 'hmmmm'. Yes. He's smarter than Richie NUDE yet more reserved than Jonathan RAT. Oh yes. Charcoal totally makes him look PUKALI.

CRYSTAL: The Olympic winner thingy. Buff. Strong. Weak ankles? She practically got mudslided during that hill challenge. What an Ashley. Though she seems like a strong-willed character. A less bitchier and much more fit Sherea. WTG. (EDIT: Okay okay. Yes, she is a champion track runner, NOT a champion rock climber).

GC: Anti-leader. Whiner. Thats what I felt he was. I dunno, I have a thing with people who set themselves up for something huge yet let themselves fall at the very moment of truth. I still think he's a nice dude though. But he needs a reality check. Not very promising.

DAN: Ok, another familiar character (Adam from Cook Isles?). Anyway I have a thing with jocks. I end up not liking them that much. But oh well, another lawyer, so probably he's not what I think he is (yea, rite). First to be exiled. Amazingly, what a deep character. Thats unexpected.

MATTY: That guy from Las Vegas... Josh Duhamel? And yeah, I got good vibes from Matty. He could very well be Fang's answer to Marcus. Still waiting to see more from him, though.

SUSIE: The mom. A nicer and more responsible-looking Cirie. Boring. NEXXXXXT.

KEN: The pro gamer guy. NO, he is NOT a new Frosti. Ken is intersesting. Definitely not your typical nerd (in fact, I don't think he is one at all). Had a little hubba-hubba thingy with Michelle going on at first (TAAAT! WRONG MOVE!! FROSTI AND COURTNEY MUCH?) then got broken hearted in the end cos' Michelle just needed to disappear.

MICHELLE: The first bitch in Gabon. She made me mad the most, after Panda. People who irritate me always lose, so I guess thats why she got voted off first. HAHAHA. Suits her I guess. Last to be picked, first to be voted off. Thats what you get if you openly show distaste for your group at the START of the game. Instant chopping block reservation. Hasta la vista.

So basically, thats a rough idea on what I think of this seasons contestants. Now, some other necessary stuff I GOTTA get off my mind...

EPISODE 1 - MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS:

1) Ace being called baldy by Bob.
2) Michelle vs. Fang.
3) Charlie french hugging Marcus.
4) Ace and co. doing YOGA in their TIGHTIES in the middle of a JUNGLE.
5) Paloma laughing at Ace and co. doing YOGA in their TIGHTIES in the middle of a JUNGLE.
6) Charlie crushing on Marcus in the sampan.
7) Marcus talking about ONIONS.
8) Ken's crush on Michelle.
9) Michelle eating a queen termite.
10) Ken letting his infatuation for Michelle get the better of him.
11) Randy making himself look like a panda in a hat for challenge 2. A FREAKING PANDA.
12) Dan wearing a suit AND tie during tribal council.
13) Michelle vs. Gillian.
14) Michelle vs. the world.
15) Michelle vs. fat people
16) Michelle's scathing after-show remarks.

In the end, the two dead weights got voted off. I was happy that Michelle got piaked. Gillian was getting irritating, so I guess she naturally had to go.

As a quote from a familiar survivor contestant that knows all of this too well, DAMN! (Chicken, China).

I can't wait to see this season progress. GABON ROCKS!

--wan.

Labels: perceptions, television

posted at 23:38