Skuller.

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Sunday, December 7

Crossroads.

questions_____answers.

Doubt.

Never ending doubt.

Turning into an incessant beat. . . . .

Thumping against the barrier of sense.. .. .. .. ..

Bruising the mind.. .... ..... ... ... .. .. .

Hurting the soul. . ... . .. .

Till what's left is none

(I sort of scribbled this quickie down during last Tuesday's assessment, it was purely a mind-to-pen thing...)

Countless times i've pondered upon the concept of amorality, and whether or not to adhere to such a concept. In life, decisions are backed by sturdy beliefs and morals. But, what if everything needed to back that decision up becomes void? What happens when ethics fail to create a secure foundation to base our decisions upon?

Maybe, just maybe, i'll figure it out. Soon enough.

As for now, i'll remain terrified of flying saucer-shaped buildings.

--wan.

Labels: father, mother, you don't have to understand this

posted at 23:47

Wednesday, October 29

Sorry.

When words fail, the pen takes over. Or in this case, the keyboard does...

Wow. First and foremost, I would like to apologize to all of my stage arters for being such a fcuktard tonight. I definitely was, so don't console me on that (haha). Okay. Statement 1. It's peculiar how the human brain works, how my brain works. Well, I for one hate the fact that some of my emotions just seem to be locked up, for good. It makes me feel weak, being unable to feel, unable to cry. At one point in my life, I started to welcome this bizzare anomaly as a blessing; ignorance is bliss, as you may like it. But I just realised, only today, that sometimes, ignorance is just bliss in disguise.

Statement 2. It is also wonderfully intruiging how God carries out his plans. For today, I had experienced something so undescribably (insert unknown adjective here), to the point where it affected me so, so very deeply, till even Suma and her infectious laughter failed to make me laugh (I know, freaky). To that person who had a hand in helping me through such a revealing moment, I really can't thank you more. It is definitely a blessing in diguise. Speaking of which, a mask. Never hide behind one - ever. Because, what I just realised, false facades might offer temporary relief, but what hides underneath is what really matters.

I love my mother, and my father, equally. More than ever, and I never ever want to compromise my love for them by looking into the past. What matters is, the future is standing right in front of me. That is all I can say.

Now, finally, something lighthearted. The ability to laugh, is definitely what I love about people. The usual bus people. You all rock, as in roccck. Who knew the source of new joy can come, so easily somewhat, from maple eyes (hahaha). If not for you guys and your smiles, I would be worse than that guy in the MCR music video. Hahahaha. I laughed a bit too much at that.

Okay, so, as I end off, I apologize. I hope I don't sound too clingy and gross. I wish everyone good luck for Friday night. I want to remember. I want to feel. I want to do.

--wan.

Labels: drama, father, mother, pain, revelations

posted at 23:47

Saturday, August 30

<< The dramas' back on >>

YAYYY. After a long, long break I get to finally see all my monster drama beyotches again. And the first thing they say to me: "PUNDEKKKKK!!!!!"

I miss that.

HAHA. Anyways yeah today we learnt about storyboarding and imagination (yeah it sounds so barney). And a lesson on discoloured jungle animals and pink (AHEM). HAHA. So now i'm a pink pundek. HAHAHA.

I had this strong sense of deja vu just now while Anjana's doing the imagine game. Then I realised, yeah, this happened during that lying conman Adam Khoo's course. First I wanted to think about Dad, but again all the chemicals in my brain kept pointing my thoughts to mom instead. I guess I really do take advantage of her presence and being that whenever I think about someone who will be sorely missed, it was always her. Anyways, I guess we all should be thankful of our loved ones and such, cos' you will never know what might happen to them in the future.

On a more cheerful and less pessimistic note, I went to AFGHANISTAN to make July's spectacles. YAY, finally huh! Juls, I am TERRIBLY sorry for losing them in the first place and the guilt of knowing you had to take all your exams w/o any vision aids will haunt me forever.

Had a look at a lot of cool frames. Maybe I'll make a new pair there in the future too. After that, we went taxi hunting so that Juls can go home. Lesson learnt, do not go taxi hunting at 6 in the evening in the middle of an August shower. Had a nice chat along the way. Then after she got one I went straight home and slept till 10. And now my migrane is gone. Hoorah for that.

As for now, so long, and good night.

--wan.

Labels: drama, mother

posted at 23:09

Wednesday, August 27

<< Happy Birthday Mother >>

I love you and I will continue to love you no matter what happens. Don't let the frequent hisses and eyerolls dampen our friendship.

Momma will always be there for you.

--wan.

Labels: birthdays, mother

posted at 05:21