Skuller.

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Thursday, April 1

The storm before the calm.

Coming clean isn't something anyone should take for granted. It's a painful thing to do, to admit ones fears, to go against your better judgement just to be...judged. Especially if it's to somebody you love. It'll be an emotional risk that might just result in bitter comebacks, yes, it would. But sometimes, we can't help but take that risk. We have to fight for our feelings, no matter how much it hurts or how much it will hurt someone else. We have to be strong to be able to give that brutal honesty. And if, only if, we are understood, and everything else that is laid on top of that stone pedestal of truth is deemed just, only then will we be able to put our hearts to rest, and move on.

I will continue to fight for everything i've built, for everything that we went through. And I will continue to love you. No matter what. I will. I just hope that this is the storm before the calm.

--hazwan.

Labels: you don't have to understand this

posted at 23:19

Friday, May 1

The walls have my ears.

Stomach matters. Friends will hurt you. Parachutes fall hard. And the shallow keep on judging.

But no matter what happens, the intelligent move on. Because the sky's what matters, and there'll always be one above us.

Drama auditions, partie deux, tomorrow. Stay sane, everyone.

--wan.

Labels: you don't have to understand this

posted at 23:41

Saturday, February 7

Canned tuna.

I need to update more frequently because my blogger's OCD is getting worse. I have a newfound interest in anything canned and tuna. I just wasted 200 bucks in one week, and it's not even Valentine's yet. And I love people who can comprehend my personality and way of writing because i'd hate another me, i'd bet.

On a much saner note, things are getting a bit better. Smooth sailing ahead.

p.s. I'll update with a proper entry soon. Eat your heart out, princess.

--wan.

Labels: lazy, you don't have to understand this

posted at 23:00

Wednesday, January 28

Folie/Vie.

Today is one of the most -cannot find suitable adjective-est days in my life. Ever.

First. Going to school today was an utter waste of time. Subrina wasn't even there, so my many queries for the YOLO poster assignment are still left unanswered. There's more work to do now, thanks for saving me my assignments, friends. I don't think I can complete that Typography assignment by tonight though. Drats.

I had to leave early and meet up with (what I felt like was) my doom, so I ciaoed Colour Studies a bit earlier (and that talk as well, I wonder how it went). Putri was there with me, so I felt better (okay, I admit it).

Now, all I want to say is that never again will I contemplate anything to do with the big 'D', ever. I don't even want to type it out, it's that bad. Okay, back to more pressing matters. When the nurse called me in again, I swear, my mind was practically - blank. For the first time in my life, my nerves got the better of me. What had to be said was said, and I left the room - and greeted Tri with a smile.

It's nothing to laugh at, nothing, at all. Now, to those close to me (about 2 of you?), you'd probably feel better after reading this. And I assure you, I do too. I am going to be fine, cow. Love you to bits.

And now, back to life.

p.s. Time to get a little philosophical now. In this world, there always are people facing far greater difficulties than the ones that we are facing now. Learn to be more accepting of life and embrace what it has offered to us (or not). Because, one way or another, problems are there to make us stronger. Thanks dad for that nihilistically cool (in a way) phrase.There are worse things in life. Like those 'dastardly nasty' assignments. Right?

--wan.

Labels: life lessons, revelations, you don't have to understand this

posted at 20:52

Thursday, January 1

Should auld acquaintance be forgot.

Seconds pass.

Leaves fall.

A holy mass.

A lonely hall.

The winds stood still,

As dusk began.

The shades of crimson,

Turned dark cyan.

A sombre face,

In the midst of an unknowing crowd.

He looks to the heavens,

Whilst saying aloud:

Dear god above, have faith in me,

And all of us, we're meant to see.

The mistakes that we made, the tears that we've shared,

The words that we said, the words that were sweared.

All of the things, that we've come to know,

They play back in our minds, like some reel-less show,

And we look at it all, with nothing but disdain.

For we're the only ones, that can ease all our pain.

Pain.

The blood drips, it falls to the ground.

Across the surface it seeps, silently, no sound.

But all of a sudden, the earth trembles slight ,

For a lone green sprout, peeks into the night.

With a leaf edged in red.

The face looks down.

The crowds stand still.

No sound at all.

For God has said.

Happy 2009 everyone.

--wan.

Labels: celebrations, you don't have to understand this

posted at 00:19

Sunday, December 7

Crossroads.

questions_____answers.

Doubt.

Never ending doubt.

Turning into an incessant beat. . . . .

Thumping against the barrier of sense.. .. .. .. ..

Bruising the mind.. .... ..... ... ... .. .. .

Hurting the soul. . ... . .. .

Till what's left is none

(I sort of scribbled this quickie down during last Tuesday's assessment, it was purely a mind-to-pen thing...)

Countless times i've pondered upon the concept of amorality, and whether or not to adhere to such a concept. In life, decisions are backed by sturdy beliefs and morals. But, what if everything needed to back that decision up becomes void? What happens when ethics fail to create a secure foundation to base our decisions upon?

Maybe, just maybe, i'll figure it out. Soon enough.

As for now, i'll remain terrified of flying saucer-shaped buildings.

--wan.

Labels: father, mother, you don't have to understand this

posted at 23:47

Saturday, November 22

Me against the world and nothing else in particular.

Why am I having IMPMS (imaginary male post menstrual syndrome) now. Why oh why. So many different things jumbled up in my brain, its hard to decode what exactly is making me feel all stressed out.

First the emo me during that one halloween nite rehearsal and now this, heck, I don't want this to build up. This year has screwed me up. 6 months ago, I would've looked at myself now and have probably said: what a lame excuse to be so emo, grow up kid.

Haz and Ama, thanks for all the prescriptions (they are highly trained professionals, don't mess).

As for me, i'll try to keep my rants short. I want the old me back. Don't you?

--wan.

Labels: rants, you don't have to understand this

posted at 01:28

Thursday, November 20

Gravity.

It's pulling us down.

Way, way down.

Pulling us faster, harder.

Without mercy.

Grasping and choking.

Till it sends us to our knee's.

Heads down, knuckles bruised.

Pain, without words.

I know, tell me about it.

It hurts, doesn't it?

Falling down, it hurts.

Being stepped on, it hurts.

Being laughed at when you're down, it hurts.

Being pushed around when you're down, it hurts.

Being less favoured over the other person, it hurts..

Being misunderstood... it hurts, it hurts, it hurts (even now as you're reading this macabre prose).

I don't know how to turn around the effects of gravity. I hate the sound of rage, so I try to avoid it's clutches, and I try to avoid being involved with it. I want to be the best that I can be, yes, I tell myself I am, yet, I feel that my sort of 'best' isn't good enough.

Gosh, the vulnerability, how it shows.

Call me stupid. Call me lame. Call me stuck-up. Call me a heartbreaker. Call me whatever you want to, because I don't care.

But the truth is, I do. If not then why the affirmation?

Guardian angel of mine, please, keep me where the light is...

I want a sip, no, a huge mug of Pina Colada, and I want it now.

--wan.

Labels: my world, revelations, you don't have to understand this

posted at 20:27

Sunday, November 9

Balloons.

They bring a sense of wonder and delight to many, yet, a fear of sudden outbursts of sound lingers whenever they are around.

****

A doting housewife kisses her husband at the doorstep after a long, tiring day at work, yet, she worries incessantly about whether those lips have touched anyone else's.

****

You get into your dad's car and lie back on it's familiar seats, smiling at the driver, yet, the doubt of whether he will be able to secure your well-being plays at the back of your mind.

****

I type out all of my thoughts and emotions indiscreetly on this blog, yet, this constant dubiety of hurting other people with my words plagues me, every single time.

Pop.

--wan.

Labels: why, you don't have to understand this

posted at 00:54